I don’t claim the identity of a writer. My writing experience consists of time spent in a policy masters program interpreting statistics models and my own journal entries, of which I have kept consistently for the last several years. I am a photographer, artist and creative person. These titles feel more than comfortable to me to claim as my own. Sometimes I wonder if narrating my own life in my head counts as writing.
As a photographer and creative person with many hobbies, I feel much more comfortable capturing stories of other people through photos. Keeping a blog in a public manner is something I have been curious about for quite some time. Last week I wanted to be a travel vlogger in my free time. Last month I wanted to solely post all of my film photos and ditch my current style of photography (currently? It’s adventure elopement photography). I have creative whiplash from my own potential endeavors. How long am I expecting a blog to last again?
A large part of keeping a blog, to me, is to simply create the space. I have a friend who told me once that I use the word “space” more than any other word. “Space” often helps explain my feelings. I might need space to myself, space from others, or the physical space to relax and create. I am writing to create space for myself to not finish something, vent about my favorite TV shows, or ad context to the photos I have taken. As I have grown into an adult, I’ve realized that not only do I need physical space, I need creative space too. One that is free from Instagram stories, that feels less like I’m selling something and more like I am sharing something for something and not public validation. I’m keeping this to remind myself that even if I don’t post any entry after today, it’s still valid and creative. It feels good.
In the process of creating this space for myself, I have asked myself a series of questions meant to talk myself out of it. What if it sucks? Who blogs, even? Who is creeping that hard on me to read it, or realize that I have drafted that? Is anyone going to want to read about my Saturn return (I am really the gayest person in the room now), or my stories of living in NYC, Denver, and Seattle? Shouldn’t I invest in crypto or just post TikTok’s instead?? Though taking to various forms of social media is always an option, I am going to keep this blog and write about all of the things that inspire me to find meaning. This includes family relationships, astrology, TV and trash TV (there are two kinds of TV, both are valid but in very different categories), photography, being creative just for kicks, statistics, queer love, technology, privacy, moving and growing. I think that is reason enough to keep this up. Here’s to creating the space I need, and to create something because I want to.
For the sake of just wanting to put pen to paper and create something, I want to create this space for myself to be creative. Maybe I will learn how to write an ending, or learn something new about myself. I hope both are true.